These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
