Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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