hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
