am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
