please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
you made out with another girl for some wings
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
