i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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