Walk of Shame. In a state park.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Randomize
