bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
