Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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