I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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