Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
