If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
