He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
