i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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