Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
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