yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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