I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
