he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize