you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
