You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
