I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
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