In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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