Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
