Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
