What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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