I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
