she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
