I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
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