Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
