bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
