Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
