I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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