just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
