Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
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