official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
