Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
