Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
