so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
