I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
