so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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