Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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