funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
