Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
