Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
