Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
