JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
