you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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