How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
