did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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