apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
