Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize