It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
