were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
