Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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