All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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