I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
