To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize