I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
