Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
