Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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