Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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