just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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