He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
