I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
