I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
