Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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