i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
