I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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