I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
