She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
