i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
