i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
