too bad you live with your parents still
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
