He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
