You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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